Don't know why, don't know why ... just feel sometimes like I'm a-gonna cry ...
We all feel that way sometimes. Sometimes, the blues just seems to creep into our lives, even when we have no idea why we're feeling down.
I've always believed that life is about balance. I think it's important to try to balance everything — from your bank book to your inventory of feelings. I try to keep everything in its rightful place, keep everything in perspective. This matters. That not so much. Oh, and THIS really matters. That ... oh right, THAT ... well I haven't thought about THAT in quite some time. I'm not even sure THAT matters at all any more.
What matters?
Family, friends, money, health, your dog or cat, the love of your life, a daily bowel movement?
What matters?
We all have to decide, and we do. Even when we don't really think about it, even when we don't do it as a conscious undertaking, we prioritize things. Some parts of our lives are more important than other parts of our lives. It's not a good thing, and it's not a bad thing. It's just what happens.
It's when things get scrambled up, like Sunday morning eggs, that we start to feel that we've somehow lost control.
When something that really matters doesn't seem to matter at all anymore, while another not so important part of your life begins to look like it really, really matters, then it's time for a reckoning. You'll find yourself saying, "Holy shit, what's the matter with me?"
Losing control is just about losing your self-assurance. Something, and you probably won't know what, something screws around with how you see yourself, and more importantly, how that self sees the world. If you're not "yourself," then what do you expect the world to look like? It's simply "not the world." Well, it's still the world, but it's not the world that you're used to, because you can no longer see the world that you're used to. See?
Oh, don't be smug. It gets worse.
Before long, having lost control turns into its creepiest cousin — out of control. Oh yes, when your world seems out of control, you're done, toast, wasted, kaput, finito. Nothing makes sense anymore. Welcome to the Blue Hotel for a nice long stay.
The real question, now, is how do you check out of the Depresidential Suite?
The trick is to remember that life is not always unicorns and rainbows. Life is not always a bowl of cherries. Sometimes, life is a bowlful of crap. So? What else is new?
What has happened is fairly simple. You've begun to put the things that don't matter above the things that do matter. You've turned your whole damn value system upside down. So, you have to start putting the shit stuff back in the shit hole, and bringing the good stuff back to the top of of the mountain, where you can better see the important things that make you ... you, and make your world ... your world. In other words, lose the negative attitude and show some positive gratitude.
Once you restore your values to their proper place, you'll find yourself back in balance. Hey, the world will suddenly make sense again, and even better, your place in that world be also make sense.
