The Good Old Days
The trick to growing old is to grow old gracefully and with a certain amount of dignity. So many older people don't realise that they are no longer in control of their children, colleagues, and even friends. Grasping to retain that control is unseemly, and your behaviour can seem desperate and even abusive.
Some people will tell you, "You're only as old as you feel." Be sure to spit on such people. They're just trying to screw with your already senile-bound brain. We feel old because we are old. It's as simple as that.
Age is a part of the grand scheme of living, and acceptance is the key. Yes, you got old. Get over it.
Everyone knows that a few grey hairs is a sign that you're getting a little older. What most of us don't know is that there are many other tell-tale signs that time is quickly slipping by.
- Did you know that your teeth get longer? Well, the teeth themselves do not grow, but your gums start to recede — making you look "long in the tooth."
- Did you know that as we age, men's voices tend to get higher and women's voices tend to get lower? In men around the age of 70, the cartilage in the vocal cords - which helps produce sound - becomes less elastic, and this creates a higher pitched sound. In women after menopause, the lack of oestrogen in the body can cause the vocal chords to swell, which leads to a deeper pitched voice.
- Did you know that, past the age of 50, you start putting on 2 or 3 lb a year. That's almost 60 lb by age 70. The reason is because we begin to lose muscle mass, which slows down our metabolism. The best way to prevent this weight gain is with regular exercise.
- Did you know that you will probably sneeze more? After middle-age, many people develop allergic rhinitis, literally a sneeze at the pollutants of our environment as our immune systems become compromised. So ... bless you!
- Did you know that all those extra moles are really warts? Known as seborrhoeic keratoses or senile warts, these are common, harmless, often pigmented growths on the skin - though they can become itchy and inflamed. Get your doctor to check them. They are easily removed by zapping them with liquid nitrogen.
- Did you know your ear, nose, and feet get larger? Yes, the cartilage in the nose and ears weakens and lengthens, which the tendons in the feet do the same. Some over 40's can gain as much as one shoe size every ten years.
- Did you know you may be prone to more headaches on waking up? This type of headache - a hypnic headache - produces a dull ache at the back of the head and tends to happen only in the over-60s. The causes aren't clear. Treating them with general painkillers can stem the symptoms. However, a caffeinated drink such as an espresso before going to bed can also stop them happening. You'll be up all night, but you may not have a headache. Sort of a choice of nightmares.
- Did you know that the older you get the more likely you'll get tipsy from alcoholic beverages faster than your younger counterparts? As we get older, the rate at which the liver metabolises or breaks down alcohol slows down. It also takes longer for the kidneys to excrete broken down alcohol from the body, and so the stronger the effect of the booze on our brains. Oh well, makes for a cheap date.
- Did you know that over the age of 60 we are more likely to suffer with watery eyes, or epiphora. Most often this is caused by age-related narrowing of the tear duct, which then fails to drain away excess moisture, unless, of course, you're feeling sorry for yourself and crying due to the fact that you are old. If that is the case, expect watery eyes on a regular basis. You see, it gets worse ... you get older.
- Did you know that, as you age, you are more inclined to wake up through the night? Yes, it is because the bladder is less effective in storing urine, so off you go to have a pee. Well, it's either that or it's because you're waking up to see if you're still alive.
- Finally, did you know, it's much more sensual to have sex over the age of 60? OK, I just made that one up ... or did I?
The trick to growing old is to grow old gracefully and with a certain amount of dignity. So many older people don't realise that they are no longer in control of their children, colleagues, and even friends. Grasping to retain that control is unseemly, and your behaviour can seem desperate and even abusive.
Some people will tell you, "You're only as old as you feel." Be sure to spit on such people. They're just trying to screw with your already senile-bound brain. We feel old because we are old. It's as simple as that.
Age is a part of the grand scheme of living, and acceptance is the key. Yes, you got old. Get over it.
