SOS
I've decided to start my own cult.
It's called the Sultans Of Squeak, or SOS, for short.
Membership is open to anyone and everyone, to every race, religion, age and sexual orientation.
You don't need a college degree or some kind of upper-class pedigree. All you need is the ability to purse your lips, like you were about to kiss the person of your dreams, and squeak.
When you wake up in the morning, the first thing you have to do is squeak.
As you move through your day, you simply have to offer up a squeak here or and a squeak there.
When you prepare to go the bed, you can shower, brush your teeth, say your prayers, but the last thing you must do is squeak.
Try it. It has such soothing effects.
I know, I know, it sounds silly, maybe even idiotic, but heck, just try it.
Here, let me help you out ...
See ... easy ... so go ahead, now you do it ...
Don't be shy ... squeak just for me with that strong, sultry voice of yours ...
"Squeak."
How was that?
Did you say it out loud? You have to say it out loud. Try again.
"Squeak."
Double it up if you want ... "squeak, squeak," or even go for a triple, "squeak, squeak, squeak."
See how much better you feel?
If you squeak whenever the world seems a little gloomy, you will find the clouds will lift from your spirits, that sense of doom, which your parents probably taught you, will disappear from even your darkest thoughts, and before you know it, you will feel refreshed, relaxed, and at one with the world.
Trust me. Squeaking turns a frown upside down, and opens the door to a brighter and more colourful vista ahead. Squeaking washes away the blues, and cleanses the soul of all the stains and pains you have gathered over the years. Again and again, you'll be, dare I say, squeaky clean ...
Suddenly, your life will begin to move smoothly through every trial and tribulation. Remember, it's "the squeaky wheel" that "gets the grease," and as we get older, we can all use a little more grease.
Squeaking will set you apart, make you feel like an individual with a sense of purpose. No more letting people around you harangue you, put you down, or just generally get on your case. All you have to do is look them dead in the eye ... and "Squeak!"
No more letting your boss tell you to "speak up, speak up." You just turn to him or her and "squeak up" instead. Simple.
Sure, all these people will look at you as if you're a lunatic, but when they do, just throw out another "squeak." Before you know it, they'll be giving you the space you need to live outside their abuse and madness. After all, it's always better to have your own madness than participate in someone else's fruitcake existence.
I assure you that squeaking will ease your stress, will make you feel like you are in control of your life, and will provide you with a sure cure for every anxiety.
Say, for example, your old jalopy of a car suddenly starts making some obviously expensive sounding squeaks as you putter to the groceteria. Your first thought is, "Ugh, what next? More bills to pay."
Hey, no, no, no. Just "squeak" right back. "Squeak, squeak, squeak," goes your car. "Squeak, squeak, squeak," you chirp back to that Japanese import, as you simply turn up the radio. After all, if your car is going to break down, let it ... you don't have to break down too.
I think the people who make "squeaky" toys know exactly what I mean. Kids in the tub love a squeaky yellow duck. Ever wonder why? Well, it's because in that "squeak, squeak, squeak," there's some kind of reassurance that, as long as this stupid duck is squeaking, everything is all right with the world.
Dogs are the same. Dogs love a squeaky toy to flip around the room as they bite and gnaw at it. Sure, some people will say that the squeak in that toy is designed to remind the dog of the death shrieks of its prey, but don't believe that for a second. Dogs love the squeak because the squeak releases some kind of endorphins in the dog's brain that makes it feel, if only for a second, more than a dog living a dog's life.
And maybe you sometimes feel like you're living a dog's life as well. If so, change the wallpaper of your personality. It's simple, no, it's a guaranteed human right. We should all enjoy the "freedom to speak our minds," so why shouldn't we all have the freedom to squeak our minds as well.
Oh, wait, there is one exception.
If you're making love to your significant other, and the bed springs starts to squeak, you might not want to start squeaking back. After all, you have to understand that there is a time and a place for everything. Try groaning or moaning instead. Sometimes purring is good. Offering a sensual-sounding "Oh, oh, ohhhh ..." is a nice gesture too. But squeaking during love making is not advisable, because, before you know it, your partner may decide to squeak right out of your life.
"Squeak ..."
I've decided to start my own cult.
It's called the Sultans Of Squeak, or SOS, for short.
Membership is open to anyone and everyone, to every race, religion, age and sexual orientation.
You don't need a college degree or some kind of upper-class pedigree. All you need is the ability to purse your lips, like you were about to kiss the person of your dreams, and squeak.
When you wake up in the morning, the first thing you have to do is squeak.
As you move through your day, you simply have to offer up a squeak here or and a squeak there.
When you prepare to go the bed, you can shower, brush your teeth, say your prayers, but the last thing you must do is squeak.
Try it. It has such soothing effects.
I know, I know, it sounds silly, maybe even idiotic, but heck, just try it.
Here, let me help you out ...
See ... easy ... so go ahead, now you do it ...
Don't be shy ... squeak just for me with that strong, sultry voice of yours ...
"Squeak."
How was that?
Did you say it out loud? You have to say it out loud. Try again.
"Squeak."
Double it up if you want ... "squeak, squeak," or even go for a triple, "squeak, squeak, squeak."
See how much better you feel?
If you squeak whenever the world seems a little gloomy, you will find the clouds will lift from your spirits, that sense of doom, which your parents probably taught you, will disappear from even your darkest thoughts, and before you know it, you will feel refreshed, relaxed, and at one with the world.
Trust me. Squeaking turns a frown upside down, and opens the door to a brighter and more colourful vista ahead. Squeaking washes away the blues, and cleanses the soul of all the stains and pains you have gathered over the years. Again and again, you'll be, dare I say, squeaky clean ...
Suddenly, your life will begin to move smoothly through every trial and tribulation. Remember, it's "the squeaky wheel" that "gets the grease," and as we get older, we can all use a little more grease.
Squeaking will set you apart, make you feel like an individual with a sense of purpose. No more letting people around you harangue you, put you down, or just generally get on your case. All you have to do is look them dead in the eye ... and "Squeak!"
No more letting your boss tell you to "speak up, speak up." You just turn to him or her and "squeak up" instead. Simple.
Sure, all these people will look at you as if you're a lunatic, but when they do, just throw out another "squeak." Before you know it, they'll be giving you the space you need to live outside their abuse and madness. After all, it's always better to have your own madness than participate in someone else's fruitcake existence.
I assure you that squeaking will ease your stress, will make you feel like you are in control of your life, and will provide you with a sure cure for every anxiety.
Say, for example, your old jalopy of a car suddenly starts making some obviously expensive sounding squeaks as you putter to the groceteria. Your first thought is, "Ugh, what next? More bills to pay."
Hey, no, no, no. Just "squeak" right back. "Squeak, squeak, squeak," goes your car. "Squeak, squeak, squeak," you chirp back to that Japanese import, as you simply turn up the radio. After all, if your car is going to break down, let it ... you don't have to break down too.
I think the people who make "squeaky" toys know exactly what I mean. Kids in the tub love a squeaky yellow duck. Ever wonder why? Well, it's because in that "squeak, squeak, squeak," there's some kind of reassurance that, as long as this stupid duck is squeaking, everything is all right with the world.
Dogs are the same. Dogs love a squeaky toy to flip around the room as they bite and gnaw at it. Sure, some people will say that the squeak in that toy is designed to remind the dog of the death shrieks of its prey, but don't believe that for a second. Dogs love the squeak because the squeak releases some kind of endorphins in the dog's brain that makes it feel, if only for a second, more than a dog living a dog's life.
And maybe you sometimes feel like you're living a dog's life as well. If so, change the wallpaper of your personality. It's simple, no, it's a guaranteed human right. We should all enjoy the "freedom to speak our minds," so why shouldn't we all have the freedom to squeak our minds as well.
Oh, wait, there is one exception.
If you're making love to your significant other, and the bed springs starts to squeak, you might not want to start squeaking back. After all, you have to understand that there is a time and a place for everything. Try groaning or moaning instead. Sometimes purring is good. Offering a sensual-sounding "Oh, oh, ohhhh ..." is a nice gesture too. But squeaking during love making is not advisable, because, before you know it, your partner may decide to squeak right out of your life.
"Squeak ..."
...there is a time and a place for everything and I have to agree squeaking in bed just ruins everything,right up there with the phone ringing...of course ringing could be like squeaking any other time :P
ReplyDeleteWell, sometimes I get a ringing in my ears ... but that's usually a good sign ... and not to be confused with a ringing telephone ... ;o}
DeleteCute blog ... squeak!
ReplyDeleteP.S. Have you ever tried to describe a squeaking sound to your auto mechanic? As a woman, it's not easy. The mechanic usually looks at me like I've lost my mind ... which is probably true because of the squeaking sound.
DeleteHave a great day! xxx