Monday, August 31, 2015

da'Shade — Finis

Hey, been a fucking blast!

See ya ...

Hit that mic, and take care of yerself ...

Koffee With Kennedy would like to thank da'Shade for his thoughts and writings over the past month.


Sunday, August 30, 2015

da'Shade — Love

Hey, what's up?

This is da'Shade ... sitting in for Kennedy James.

I always wondered if ya get to be in love more than once.

Now, I'm not referring to the bullshit "love" that some people flaunt.

Like people married more than two or three times. They have no idea what love is. They got some other agenda going on.

Or like people who say they have some kinda spiritual "love" with a partner. Spiritual love? Gimme a break. That partner ain't getting laid except maybe at Christmas.

The way I see it is you get one chance, one shot at the prize. And if you make it, it lasts forever. If you fuck it up, you're fucked up for the rest of time.

Oh sure, you can dance through a bunch of relationships that go nowhere because they mean nothing. Once love is gone, it's gone. No deposit, no return. No second chances.

So you sure as fuck better choose wisely. No rushing into things, no settling for some dumbass who can't keep yer attention for more than the time spent having a romp in the sack.

And no love based on some cockeyed idea of common interests. Ain't no such thing as common interests. Oh, you'll say there is, but if you really thought about it, you'd know we're all more different than alike. And difference always trumps commonality.

No, baby, uh uh. If it's the only thing I get thru to ya: Don't go convincing yerself that some bullshit relationship can become love. Uh-uh. Real love is quick and sudden, sort of like an apocalyptic epiphany, when you find yerself saying, "Holy shit, where have you been all my life?!!"

Ya see, real love blows yer mind, real love fucking blows yer world apart. Then you know ...

Yeah, then you know.

Hit that mic, and know who ya really love ...


Saturday, August 29, 2015

da'Shade — Family

Hey, what's up?

This is da'Shade ... sitting in for Kennedy James.

So it seems like some families get a little fucked up along the way. I ain't talkin' about separation or divorce. I'm talkin' about brothers and sisters.

WTF? Sometimes something goes wrong, and brothers and sisters stop talkin' to or caring about one another. It's like some people get so wrapped up in their own lives that they forget they have connections to other lives.

Ain't preachin'. Ain't sayin' what's supposed to be. But hell, connections, man, connections are so important. And there's no connection like a blood connection, a family connection.

Sometimes, it's just a matter of swallowing some of yer pride and reaching out to that brother or sister you decided you no longer wanted in your life. It might not be the easiest thing to do, but I think ya gotta do it before it's too late, and yer brother or sister passes on. Then all ya got left is an empty space that you can never fill again.

Hit that mic, and remember yer first best friend ...


Friday, August 28, 2015

da'Shade — Sports

Hey, what's up?

This is da'Shade ... sitting in for Kennedy James.

Gotta tell ya, I'm a little confused about how the western world panders to sports.

I'm not sure how any sport advances the cause of humanity. I guess the best you could say is that sport is a form of entertainment. But what some athletes get by way of money to play a fucking game is ridiculous. Doesn't anyone realise that most of these jocks really don't know how to do anything else. Shit, pay them minimum wage. They'll still be out there on the football field, basketball court, baseball diamond, or hockey rink doing what they do. It's not like any of them are suddenly going to set up a medical practice in Manhattan.

Somebody got fooled along the way, and now everything is ass-backwards. We revere people whose skill set amounts to running, jumping, hitting a little ball, or skating better than the average Joe or Jane. People, it's just fucking running, jumping, hitting a little ball, or skating. It's not solving the world's problems, not finding a cure for all those dread diseases that kill folks, not opening the doors of education for young people, not ending poverty, not solving our rampant drug problem, not bringing an end to homelessness, nope, none of that. It's just fucking running, jumping, hitting a little ball, or skating.

And still, we watch them on TV like they are fucking superheroes, like they are the enlightened prophets who could lead us out of the wilderness, if only they knew how to read a map. Holy shit, some of these athletes can barely put four words together. Doesn't matter. Whatever they say is better than gold to some people.

WTF? Ya know, I couldn't give a shit about how much money an athlete makes. But I do give a shit about what professional sports teaches our young people. Kids look up to these "stars," and so many young folks wanna be just like them. Doesn't matter if a kid has no great skills in running, jumping, hitting a little ball, or skating, kids dream of becoming rich and famous like their sports heroes. And why? Cause it's the fucking easy way. Pro sports teaches kids that success can be measured not by the depth of their intelligence nor by the quality of their values, as long as you can fucking run, jump, hit a little ball, or skate better than anyone else.

Wanna go to college? Never mind learning math or science, English or art, just learn to fucking run, jump, hit a little ball, or skate. Colleges all over America will throw huge scholarships at you, and let you graduate with a major in "Watching Films" or "Hip-Hop Dancing," as long as you keep running, jumping, hitting a little ball, or skating. And as a bonus, you'll be adored by all the other kids who are in college without a scholarship, and who are trying to make something of themselves and the future.

Gimme a break.

Hit that mic, and have a look at the fucking madness of it all ...


Thursday, August 27, 2015

da'Shade — Haters

Hey, what's up?

This is da'Shade ... sitting in for Kennedy James.

Funny how we live now. Lots of people have no real social life apart from what they do on all these sites on the Internet, like Facebook or Twitter and the like.

Used to be folks knew real people, a few good friends you'd meet and share a laugh or two with. And, yeah, sometimes, you'd meet people you didn't much care for. So, you'd just cut those people out of your life.

Not like that anymore.

Now, people think that they can count friends in the hundreds or even thousands, because they "connect" with them on the social media sites. It's a delusion, of course, but, hey, if you have no social life separate from the time you spend in front of the computer screen, then who the fuck cares how deluded you are?

It's the so-called "haters" that piss me off the most. I mean, some people got their balls or boobs so tangled up in the barbed wire of their own insecurities, jealousies, or whatever, that they make a habit of trashing other people on the Internet. Shit, they get away with puking up their nastiest selves, just to disrespect and upset their targeted victims, while hiding behind the safety of their computer screens and their fake identities. It's called "cyberbullying" and has been the linked to a number of young kids committing suicide.

WTF? In the old days, if people pulled that kinda crap, they'd just get the shit kicked outta them.

Hit that mic, and let's stop the haters ...


Wednesday, August 26, 2015

da'Shade — $$$

Hey, what's up?

This is da'Shade ... sitting in for Kennedy James.

Like what? Why is everything about money these days?

Whatever happened to people looking for some kinda happiness that didn't involve winning some fucking lottery or cashing in on an inheritance? Money, money, money ... that's all we're all about now.

The shitheads who have like billions are spread all over the news like flies on shit, and we get this ass-backwards impression that the richest man or woman in the world, whoever the fuck that is, is also the best man or woman in the world.

WTF? We done turned in the rose-coloured glasses for the cash-green-coloured glasses. Money doesn't define the quality of a person's character. An it don't make Richie Rich better than the everyday Archie struggling to make ends meet out there.

Everything we buy seems to be "Made in China" these days, probably for pennies, and we pay big bucks to buy it here. Why? So the fucking rich get rich and the poor just keep on getting poorer, that's why.

It's a funny world. Kids today gotta have name brand everything. No iPhone, no street cred. What's up with that? When did a phone become a status symbol? Shit, slap yer quarter in a payphone, you'll still reach the guy or gal you wanna talk to.

Same is true with clothes, computers, cars, bling, just about everything. Kids think if yer buying No-Name, you simply got No-Game. It's always about the $$$.

Gimme a fucking break. Hey, you can have me for FREE!

Hit that mic, and forget the price tag bullshit ...


Tuesday, August 25, 2015

da'Shade — da'Blues

Hey, what's up?

This is da'Shade ... sitting in for Kennedy James.

So, I gots to thinking the other day, and for some reason, I ended up so fucking cranky and useless that I near exploded.

I don't even remember what set me off. Just some days is like that. You're just sitting around, and all of a sudden, WHAM! You feel like you're worth fuck all, like nobody gives a shit about you, and like what's the point of livin'.

Ever get like that? Sure you do. I guess we all do. Called da'blues.

Hey! It's not unhealthy to get da'blues, as long as ya ain't gettin' them every second day. If yer ridin' some kind of cosmic roller coaster, with yer emotions going up and then crashing down, well ya might wanna consider gettin' some help. Might be bipolar.

I ain't bipolar. I'm bipopular.

You're probably thinking, WTF is he talking about now?

Shit, I dunno. Somedays, I feel like I'm cream cheese spread on toast, which everybody likes, and everybody I meet seems like a bestie, and everybody loves me like I was their long lost rich uncle. Other days, I feel like I ain't got a friend in the world. Get it? Bipopular.

Funny how we judge ourselves based on the digs of other people. When we feel like people are hip to us, got our back, and all that shit, we feel worthwhile. But when we feel like folks is dissing us behind our backs, telling tales out of school about us, and whatever, we feel like shit on a stick and good for nothin'.

Thing is, we shouldn't be judging ourselves on what other folks see. What matters is how we see ourselves. Trouble is, we forget that. The little cocksucking demons of doubt creep into our scene and mess up all the lines. Instead of sayin', "I feel like da bomb today," we just let the fucking bomb blow us up.

Oh, for fuck's sake, I ain't makin' no sense.

I just knows that if you beat yer head against the wall because of some bad vibes blowin' in through the kitchen door, yer gonna end up with one fuck of a headache.

My advice? Close the fucking door.

Hit that mic, and keep yer focus ...


Monday, August 24, 2015

da'Shade — War

Hey, what's up?

This is da'Shade ... sitting in for Kennedy James.

I don't know who the fuck got it into their head to go into Viet Nam. Christ almighty, how many young boys and men did we lose over there? Something like 60,000. Holy shit, that's the size of Dubuque, Iowa. Like we lost a whole fucking town.

Yeah, yeah, I know it was over 50 years ago. But I wasn't gonna leave this blog gig without mentioning Nam.

WTF, America? Ain't it time we realised that democracy just ain't for everyone everywhere. Gotta stop being the world's police force and maybe look after some of the problems we face at home.

Like we been in Iraq seems like forever, and it don't look like we're gonna be able to leave anytime soon. Shit, Iraq is a country that was founded by nomadic tribes, and these tribes been killing each other for centuries. Do ya really think we're gonna change centuries of history with a whack of cruise missiles? The cost in dollars and lives ain't worth it.

I say, let the crazy bastards have at each other, and when the smoke clears, we'll see what's what.

Sure, we'll have to listen to and watch the usual bullshit on TV and the Internet, but who the fuck cares? I mean, some asshole in a mask preaching anti-Americanism is just some asshole in a mask. Toughen up, America. If we know who we are as a great country, then none of the rhetoric should mean shit.

Mind you, next time some fucking bastards decide to turn a couple of our own airplanes into terrorist missiles, then, yeah, time to go to war. But let's not piss around. Send them a couple of Harry Truman greeting cards and end the bullshit in a single day.

There's a time for conciliation and kiss-assing whackos from who knows where, but there's also a time to take care of business. And business is business ... nothing personal, shitheads — mess with the best, die like the rest. Too bad, so sad ...

Hit that mic, stand tall, and salute yer country ...


Sunday, August 23, 2015

da'Shade — Pretty

Hey, what's up?

This is da'Shade ... sitting in for Kennedy James.

Kennedy has like a million channels on his TV, so the other day, I was flippin' around when I landed on this show about young girls whose moms and dads take them all over to compete in these beauty contests.

Holy shit, three, four, and five year olds are so fucking gussied up they look like they're pushin' 22 years old. I can't help but wonder what's going on. I mean, isn't this just bait for pedos to get off on? I can't even believe these pageants are legal.

So, these little girls grow up thinking pretty is everything. Fuck being a kid, screw running through the sprinkler or having fun in the park playground, piss on learning yer lessons in school and developing some values, like caring about others. No, just look pretty and all will be right in the world.

Are you fucking kidding?

For every tiara they poke into some toddler's ridiculous looking bouffant hairdo, there's some experience of real childhood that kid is missing.

Shit, most women know the end of innocence comes soon enough. Rushing little girls through it is disgraceful. Kids need to be kids.

Anyway, this whole "pretty" thing is for losers. Pretty ain't gonna pay the bills for very long. Pretty only gonna lead to endless delusions about what matters in life, and soon as you wake up to discover yer face is fucking cracking into a mishmash of age spots and wrinkles, then you realise ya got nothing left to sell.

Sooner or later, pretty ain't gonna cut it. And what's left? Bimbo Betty and her bad boob job?

We need to measure people by the sincerity of their hearts and the grace of their souls. And we need to let our children discover the real beauty of being alive ain't got nothin' to do with being pretty.

Pretty kills.

Hit that mic and learn something from my girl, Beyoncé ...


Saturday, August 22, 2015

da'Shade — Famale

Hey, what's up?

This is da'Shade ... sitting in for Kennedy James.

So I was listening to the radio the other day, and this cat says he wants all birth certificates ruled null and void. His reasoning? Well, a birth certificate states yer gender, and this guy figures that's discriminatory.

Some people, he claims, have "Male" on their birth certificates, but they're not male, they're transgendered.

Now, I'm not going to say this is the usual bullshit propaganda we get from the folks who somehow have a problem with being born a certain way. Some guys born male don't wanna be guys at all. They wanna be something else. Who the fuck knows what they wanna be? Who the fuck cares?

Transgendered? Nothing wrong with that. No one really gives a shit anymore if you failed at being a man and chose what you saw as the alternative, but here's a tip for y'all.

The alternative to being a man is NOT pretending to be a woman. Shit, women don't want you sticking your failure in their face. Women are proud to be women, and you ain't one of them.

Embrace the obvious. No matter what you do, you ain't gonna become a woman.

Oh sure, you can dress up like a woman, change your name to Ethel, get boob implants, even have your "junk" removed, but guess what? You're never a woman. You can try to mimic the psychology of a woman, but yer just fooling yourself and whoever supports you. You're never a woman. You never underwent years of menstruation, never had a baby, never sat at the kitchen table shaking like a leaf 'cause yer shithead husband who's passed out in the livingroom is about to wake up and kick the living shit out of you, just because he's bigger and stronger than you. You're never a woman. Never. Never a woman. Never a "she" or a "her."

You're just a failed male, not ever a female, not even a "shemale" because that term degrades and disrespects real women as well. You're just a, I don't know, let's just call ya a failmale or famale for short — close to female but usually with a cigar.

No, you're just a transgendered dude. We'll accept you for that, but you have to stop disgracing the rest of womankind by pretending to be what you're not, and expecting the rest of the world to accept you as a woman. Life ain't a continuous Hallowe'en, but if you really must see it that way, find a different costume — a cocker spaniel, a Siamese cat, a Mexican burro, an alien from outer space, a superhero, whatever — just leave the bra and panties to those who earned them by their birthright. You're just not like a woman, buddy. Get over it.

Hit that mic and get hip to the distance between a man and a woman ...


Friday, August 21, 2015

da'Shade — Freedom

Hey, what's up?

This is da'Shade ... sitting in for Kennedy James.

Thing about America is that it was founded on certain freedoms. One of those is the freedom of speech, which is guaranteed in the First Amendment.

Guaranteed? Well, maybe at one time. But you sure as shit better be careful about what you say and where you say it these days.

Like, you getting on a plane? Well, you don't get on a plane talking about anything remotely connected with the word, "bomb," no sir, no way, no how, not even in jest.

Going to some kind of protest rally? Well, really won't matter what you say. Even if you say nothing at all, be prepared to get pepper-sprayed, tasered, or have shit kicked outta you.

Writing a blog? Well, here's some rules for y'all.
Don't go dissing lesbians, gays, bisexuals, queers, or intersex folks.

Don't be writing about anyone's race. And don't use the "n-word" unless youse black, cause, far as I can tell, that's some kinda special black freedom.

Matter of fact, don't even use the word "black." Use "African-American" cause the word "black" differentiates people on the basis of the colour of their skin, whereas "African-American" differentiates people on the roots of their heritage.

Now, don't start bitchin' and whinin' that most African-Americans don't know shit about Africa, and maybe not even where it is. That's a stereotype and yer treadin' on the fine line of racism. WTF? Most Americans dunno where Canada is. Who gives a shit? Ain't about geography. It's about heritage for fuck's sake.

You can still use the word "white" but never in conjunction with words like "power" or "right."

Don't write about equality, prejudice, anti-semitism, or feminism, cause, sure as hell, someone is going to misinterpret anything and everything you say, and before you know it, you'll be charged with some kind of hate crime.

Don't be putting down Allah, unless you want a couple of masked dudes in all-black sportswear and carrying big fucking guns visiting you at home in the middle of the night.
Freedom of speech? Why sure you have freedom of speech in this country. You have the freedom to be silent.

Hit that mic if ya got a free moment for a tune ...


Thursday, August 20, 2015

da'Shade — Gangstas

Hey, what's up?

This is da'Shade ... sitting in for Kennedy James.

Anyone else find it strange that we spend millions and millions of dollars trying to clean up the problems of countries all over the world, while we ignore the fact that our own country is a fucking nightmare, where folks are afraid to even walk to the corner store for a jug of milk?

Hit that mic for the gansta shit ...


Wednesday, August 19, 2015

da'Shade — Zoophilia

Hey, what's up?

This is da'Shade ... sitting in for Kennedy James.

After all this Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer and Intersex marriage debate that's been going on for some time now, I'm wondering when other forms of sexual behaviour will get their day.

Like zoophilia, better known as beastiality.

Well, the bad news for folks who might want to offer their favourite goat or cow a diamond ring is that human-animal marriage is not recognized in law by any country.

Now, this is not to say that some people haven't tried. Check it out:

  • In January 2004, a woman known as "The Mad Cat Lady" married both her tabby twin boys Lugosi and Spider via, from whom she then received an (unofficial) certificate of marriage.
  • In January 2006, British woman Sharon Tendler in Israel married Cindy, a male bottlenose dolphin.
  • In February 2006 a Sudanese man named Charles Tombe caught having sex with a neighbour's goat which was subsequently nicknamed Rose, was ordered by the council of elders to pay the neighbour a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars ($75) and marry the animal.
  • In June 2010, 18-year-old Indonesian man, Ngurah Alit, was forced to marry his cow after he was found having sex with it. The man had believed the cow to be a beautiful woman. He then became a widower when the cow was drowned in the sea to symbolically cleanse the village of the act of bestiality committed there.
  • On November 30, 2010 an Australian man, Joseph Guiso, married his best friend, a five-year-old Labrador.
  • In June 2013, fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld announced that he wished to marry his cat Choupette. He said in an interview with CNN, "There is no marriage, yet, for human beings and animals… I never thought that I would fall in love like this with a cat."
Source: Wikipedia.

All I can say is to such folks is, hell, don't give up hope.

If ya told me 10 years ago that gay guys would be getting married and given the legal right to adopt kids, I woulda laughed in yer face. Now, I still laugh, but it's a sad laugh.

Hit that mic and give us a "woof" ...


Tuesday, August 18, 2015

da'Shade — Dreams

Hey, what's up?

This is da'Shade ... sitting in for Kennedy James.

So, like the problem with telling young kids to follow their dreams and all that "you can be anything you want" shit is that it isn't true.

Seems to me, it's all about luck and timing. If everything connects then people do OK, maybe make a ton of cash, and live a happy life.

Most times, it's just dreaming BIG and fallin' short.

But hey, ya get what ya get, and you should be hip with that. Fuck it, just keep on truckin' ...

Don't be a loser and hit that mic ...


Monday, August 17, 2015

da'Shade — Banks

Hey, what's up?

This is da'Shade ... sitting in for Kennedy James.

Banks. Now those are the screwiest little rip-off joints of all time.

I mean, we all put our money in the bank, and the bank uses our money to make a fortune in profits every year. And what do we get for it? Shit, that's what.

I don't know why builders don't make houses with an impenetrable safe in them, so people could keep their money at home.

Oh right, builders don't do that because they're tied into the banks, and if people didn't use the banks, well guess what would happen? There'd be no more fools to rip off and thus no more fucking banks.

Wouldn't that be a shame.

Hit that mic and let's all count the bank profits we don't get to share ...



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