Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Hot! Hot! Hot!

Hot! Hot! Hot!

Canadians tend to be a bitchy lot.

Here, we have four definite seasons: spring, summer, autumn and winter. There's never any mistaking one for the other.

In autumn, everyone seems quite happy. The weather is usually quite nice — moderate temperatures and lots of sunshine. Lots of pretty leaves changing colours on the trees, and all kinds of fall fairs and street activities. People get out of their homes and enjoy the last of the warm days before the coming of winter.

With the arrival of winter and drifts of snow, the moaning begins. Cold temperatures send everyone's arthritis into overdrive. People creak around in winter boots and wear huge parkas (winter coats), with hoods wrapped tightly around their heads and often scarves covering most of their faces. Polite conversations, such as "Good morning, how are you today?" turn into bleating complaints, "Damn cold today, eh? Worst damn winter in years!"

Spring is always an iffy thing in Canada. The change in the weather is never really consistent. One week, we'll think that springtime has definitely arrived and thank goodness. The next week, however, we might suffer through a late winter storm. That week will be followed by another pleasant week. All the snow will melt again, and we seem to be back on track. Canadians do love spring, once we can be sure it has arrived for good. The trees blossom and the songbirds return from Florida or wherever it is that they vacation during the winter. Some rainy days mix in with the pleasantly sunny ones, and the temperatures may be very warm during the day but cool off at night to encourage a great night's sleep.

Then there's the nine weeks of summer. Oh my, it can get hot. And with the heat, the crankiness returns.

In a typical Canadian summer, the heat rolls in and, like a long lost cousin visiting, stays and stays and stays. Nighttime doesn't bring much relief. Summer nights in Canada hold onto the heat and carry it right through to the next morning. There is little, if any, relief. The days just seem to get hotter and hotter.

Those fortunate enough to have decent air-conditioning in their homes and in their cars are clearly more pleasant than those without it. Most Canadians simply suffer, and their suffering turns into a kind of mean-spirited regard for anything and everything around them. Most forget the freezing weather of the winter, and simply dwell on the misery of trying to stay cool in the summer.

So we bitch, bitch, bitch.

"Hot enough for ya? Cripes ..."

"I think I have heat stroke ..."

"Too hot to even think ..."

Lately, the heat wave has rolled over Toronto, and I don't mind telling you that it's been a real test of character. I do try to keep everything in perspective. In fact, I try to like every season for what it is.

Still, I have to tell you, it's so damn hot here now, I may melt away. Send ice-cream ... preferably Rocky Road or Heavenly Hash.




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