Moment To Moment

Moment To Moment

Every once in awhile, I have a moment.

You know, one of those times when you simply stop doing whatever it is you're doing, and you reflect on what the point of it all really is.

Some people find these moments disconcerting, so they hustle their thoughts back to the urgent matters at hand. Like making breakfast, switching the TV channel, phoning a son or daughter, things like that.

Me? Well, I like to let those moments of reflection drift for a bit. After all, it's more than a bit curious as to where such thoughts might lead me.

I never expect answers or solutions to anything, never look for the purpose of life or for some rationale as to why I'm getting older, and certainly never hope to hear the voice of God or the voice of those who have departed this world already. No, I just like to walk through the moment to see what it is that has snapped me out of reality for a bit of time.

Usually, the moment passes, and I am no different from who I was before drifting away. Sometimes, however, I get one of those "aha" revelations. Sometimes, something in my life suddenly becomes clearer than it was before the moment.

For example, the other day, I was feeling a little despondent about someone I knew quite well once, but whom I rarely ever see or talk to anymore. In the moment that made me consider what might have gone wrong in our friendship, the thought struck me that any friendship is only as good as the two halves involved.

I'm still not clear if I was to blame for the increased distance between my friend and me, but one thing quickly became pretty obvious. If I hadn't made an effort to keep the friendship alive, neither had he. The drifting apart was just that — a drifting apart. You have to let some things go in life, and if that friendship was vitally important to both my friend and me, then we would have made sure it remained important. So it goes ...

This morning I had another one of those moments, but all it involved was whether or not I wanted to make espresso or instant coffee. Before making such a seemingly trite decision, I sort of blinked out on the whole decision making process.

For a moment, the whole idea of making decisions, like real decisions, big decisions, seemed a bit absurd to me. Sure, we make decisions, but sometimes our decisions are made for us, you know, by other people, by the situations we face, by, oh I don't know, Instant Karma. Weird, I know ...

Anyway, that little moment passed fairly quickly and again, the decision didn't build to one solution or the other. Instead, I went out to Starbuck's and treated myself to a Skinny Vanilla Latte, and an hour sitting on the patio outside the coffee shop watching the people go by as they hustled to get their morning fix of caffeine on their way to work. It was time well spent, although for the life of me, I couldn't tell you anything more than that. I did see people. I don't remember what I was thinking beyond that.

I guess that was another moment when I wasn't quite there, not quite in touch, more out of touch, out of reach.

Come to think of it, these "moments" are becoming more and more frequent.

I don't mind.

After all, I live moment to moment anyway, sometimes fully conscious, sometimes a little less so.

As long as the moments keep coming, I'm good.

© Copyright, Kennedy James. All rights reserved.