A Strictly Unofficial Photograph
The Name Game
Yesterday, the world received news of a new addition to the British Royal Family, a boy it seems, who rounded third base at full speed, slipped through a fully dilated cervix, and slid into home as a Prince. Imagine. A good gig, if you can get it.
Now, my friend Howard watches far too many of those improbable "reality" television shows, and he has become something of a conspiracy theorist. He has a notion that the whole thing was faked, that the Duchess of Cambridge, aka "topless Kate," wasn't ever pregnant at all. According to Howard, Kate simply wandered around wearing some kind of padding under her royal attire for nine months and then had some wannabe Brit, maybe even Madonna, head off to an unknown country in Africa to pick up one of those starving babies and bring the little guy back to Britain. After all, isn't that the fashionable thing to do these days?
Well, of course, no one takes Howard too seriously since his vasectomy.
No, I think it's safe to say that we have a true-blue, spanking new royal Prince in our midst, third in line to the British throne, having only to wait on the deaths of Queen Elizabeth, Prince Charles, and his dad, Prince William. One Queen and three Princes ... add Sir Elton John to the whole mix, and you'd have a full house.
The only thing left to do is to find the little gaffer a name, and if you know anything about British royalty, this is a serious process and will probably take a week or more.
Here in Canada, as in Britain, folks are setting up betting "pools" based on what one suspects the prospective name will be. I am in such a pool, but I don't like my odds of winning. I picked the name Gary. At the time I put my money down, I thought the title, King Gary, had a nice modern ring to it. Not only that, but I suspected it would have a far-reaching appeal to Britain's burgeoning gay population. I must admit in 20-20 hindsight, however, that Gary may not be traditional enough for the prim and proper British establishment.
The British press is convinced that the top name choices for the new lad are Charles, Edward, George, and William. Not too exciting, to be sure. If I had anything to say in the matter, it would indeed be Gary, and if the Queen put the Royal Kibosh on that, I'd go for "The Prince Formerly Known As The Artist." A bit wordy, I suppose, but trendy, and it has a nice ring to it.
All in all, I have to confess that I do know the name that will be ascribed to this fledgling, future King of England. The lad will be definitely be named James, and he will someday become King James. Sort of like Kennedy James, but not quite. Still, he can share my nickname, KJ, and be a proud part of a legacy of which he will have absolutely no knowledge whatsoever.
Just remember that you heard it here first.
Yesterday, the world received news of a new addition to the British Royal Family, a boy it seems, who rounded third base at full speed, slipped through a fully dilated cervix, and slid into home as a Prince. Imagine. A good gig, if you can get it.
Now, my friend Howard watches far too many of those improbable "reality" television shows, and he has become something of a conspiracy theorist. He has a notion that the whole thing was faked, that the Duchess of Cambridge, aka "topless Kate," wasn't ever pregnant at all. According to Howard, Kate simply wandered around wearing some kind of padding under her royal attire for nine months and then had some wannabe Brit, maybe even Madonna, head off to an unknown country in Africa to pick up one of those starving babies and bring the little guy back to Britain. After all, isn't that the fashionable thing to do these days?
Well, of course, no one takes Howard too seriously since his vasectomy.
No, I think it's safe to say that we have a true-blue, spanking new royal Prince in our midst, third in line to the British throne, having only to wait on the deaths of Queen Elizabeth, Prince Charles, and his dad, Prince William. One Queen and three Princes ... add Sir Elton John to the whole mix, and you'd have a full house.
The only thing left to do is to find the little gaffer a name, and if you know anything about British royalty, this is a serious process and will probably take a week or more.
Here in Canada, as in Britain, folks are setting up betting "pools" based on what one suspects the prospective name will be. I am in such a pool, but I don't like my odds of winning. I picked the name Gary. At the time I put my money down, I thought the title, King Gary, had a nice modern ring to it. Not only that, but I suspected it would have a far-reaching appeal to Britain's burgeoning gay population. I must admit in 20-20 hindsight, however, that Gary may not be traditional enough for the prim and proper British establishment.
The British press is convinced that the top name choices for the new lad are Charles, Edward, George, and William. Not too exciting, to be sure. If I had anything to say in the matter, it would indeed be Gary, and if the Queen put the Royal Kibosh on that, I'd go for "The Prince Formerly Known As The Artist." A bit wordy, I suppose, but trendy, and it has a nice ring to it.
All in all, I have to confess that I do know the name that will be ascribed to this fledgling, future King of England. The lad will be definitely be named James, and he will someday become King James. Sort of like Kennedy James, but not quite. Still, he can share my nickname, KJ, and be a proud part of a legacy of which he will have absolutely no knowledge whatsoever.
Just remember that you heard it here first.
That was hilarious...you surely will lose some money on the name Gary I'm afraid :p
ReplyDeleteYes, I'm afraid I will ... not sure what I was thinking ... my second choice was actually Zak ... ;o}
Delete"Still, he can share my nickname, KJ, and be a proud part of a legacy of which he will have absolutely no knowledge whatsoever."
ReplyDeleteOK, KJ, but will he be a poet?
I rather like the names Edward and James. Is there a formal process for selecting the name of a future king or queen?
No, I don't think there's a formal process beyond the obvious attention to tradition and good taste. Like, if it had been a girl, I don't think anyone would have gone for the idea of calling her "Drag" ...
DeleteI don't understand all the hoopla surrounding this baby's birth. They had a baby--so what? I would be even less interested, if Obama's wife had a baby.
ReplyDeleteWell, it's as interesting as someone winning the Powerball, I guess, but the payout is even greater ...
DeleteAs for Michelle Obama having a baby ... yes, I guess that wouldn't be too exciting, unless, of course, Bill Clinton were in the mix ... ;o}