Monday, May 16, 2016

My New Smart-Ass Phone

My New Smart-Ass Phone


Oh yeah, I got my new smartphone from Amazon today.

I had to buy Prime, Slime and a Bottle Of Lime to get the free shipping option, but I think I did pretty well. I'll have it paid off in a couple of years. I bought the 10 Year In-House Warranty too, so if something goes wrong, I'm covered.

It's very cool.

You don't even need a cord. You can just walk around anywhere with it. I think you can even go outside ... not sure about that ...

Just a few minor glitches ...

I can't seem to download any apps, and I was hoping to kick some ass on "Words With Fiends" and have a go at "Mad Birds."

Oh well, it does make the neatest little beeps when you push the buttons. There's a green button for "Go" and a red button for "Stop."


Oh, yeah, I've already used it. I called the pizza joint for a Hawaiian Deluxe, and I could almost really hear the guy. Just a little static, you know. No problem.

And I got a call from an old friend. He has a smartphone too, but get this ... it flips open. Geez, what a rip-off. Everytime he gets a call, he has to flip the thing. I'm thinking Carpal Tunnel, eh?

Well, I'd better be going. I want to try this "sexting" thing that everybody does. There's probably a button for it. Probably connects you to someone who has a gift with words, you know, a cunning linguist. But, hey, I don't even know how to start. What do you do? Punch in "Wot ya wearing?" Imma 404 ...

Huh? What's that? A/S/L/P ...?

OK, I'll try that, er, I mean, IHU ...

Oh, if you want to call me, the number is (202) 456-1111, but give me 5 minutes for my sexting escapade. No, make it 10 minutes. I'll probably need a shower afterwards.

B4N ... TTYL ... CU46 ...




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