Under Water
The air disappears and I am underwater. I do not belong here, in this wet world of algea and minnowy ghosts, this my most unnatural element, this coffin of myriad bubbles encasing my body. Yet, I am here, and the sensation is one of dying and living in a moment, my breath held tight in my lungs, my vision blurred by the crash of water, and for a short few seconds, I know I have abandoned life, abandoned all the landscapes I have known, abandoned my existence in the sun, abandoned my friends and lovers and the stand-close-by-waiting family. I have abandoned you, and your caring heart.
The light from above drops like long crystals around me. I wait, knowing the moment is soon to come, that split second of decision. My breath rushes from me in packets of bubbles, and I watch it rush to the surface. I think to myself that is the way of life, always a letting go of what you need to sustain you most, letting go of youth, friendship, family, and even love. No one knows the depths of those moments, only you.
My body cools to a shiver. It cannot or will not adapt to life underwater, and I feel the weight of oceans begin to bear down on me, ready to crush me in the instant I concede defeat or relinquish hope — I can never tell the difference. It has always been so. Life is hard, and the tides of change come and go. Your body falters in the waves. Your arms tire from the swim. Your soul tires from the heartache.
The last of my breath is gone, and still my body releases tiny pristine bubbles, the final vestiges of life-sustaining air escaping through my skin and popping like a question all around me. Live or die? Surface and live in the world of air I share with empty rooms or drown here in the unforgiving loneliness of life underwater? More uncertain as the surface seconds tick by, I watch the water as it clears and calms, watch it accepting my place here if I want it, accepting this flesh without judgement, accepting and yet already preparing the process of bloating my body and floating it to the shoreline with the other morning debris. Every fibre of my being screams out to me. One action, one mere kick of my feet, and I will rise to the surface. Only inaction drowns me, and it is then that I realise that it has always been my inaction that has crushed so many of my hopes, my beliefs and my dreams in the surface world.
Stasis is death. My eyes widen, my feet kick, and I rise out of the water, furiously breaking well above its surface, where I gasp in the wonder of being alive.
© Copyright, Kennedy James. All rights reserved.
The air disappears and I am underwater. I do not belong here, in this wet world of algea and minnowy ghosts, this my most unnatural element, this coffin of myriad bubbles encasing my body. Yet, I am here, and the sensation is one of dying and living in a moment, my breath held tight in my lungs, my vision blurred by the crash of water, and for a short few seconds, I know I have abandoned life, abandoned all the landscapes I have known, abandoned my existence in the sun, abandoned my friends and lovers and the stand-close-by-waiting family. I have abandoned you, and your caring heart.
The light from above drops like long crystals around me. I wait, knowing the moment is soon to come, that split second of decision. My breath rushes from me in packets of bubbles, and I watch it rush to the surface. I think to myself that is the way of life, always a letting go of what you need to sustain you most, letting go of youth, friendship, family, and even love. No one knows the depths of those moments, only you.
My body cools to a shiver. It cannot or will not adapt to life underwater, and I feel the weight of oceans begin to bear down on me, ready to crush me in the instant I concede defeat or relinquish hope — I can never tell the difference. It has always been so. Life is hard, and the tides of change come and go. Your body falters in the waves. Your arms tire from the swim. Your soul tires from the heartache.
The last of my breath is gone, and still my body releases tiny pristine bubbles, the final vestiges of life-sustaining air escaping through my skin and popping like a question all around me. Live or die? Surface and live in the world of air I share with empty rooms or drown here in the unforgiving loneliness of life underwater? More uncertain as the surface seconds tick by, I watch the water as it clears and calms, watch it accepting my place here if I want it, accepting this flesh without judgement, accepting and yet already preparing the process of bloating my body and floating it to the shoreline with the other morning debris. Every fibre of my being screams out to me. One action, one mere kick of my feet, and I will rise to the surface. Only inaction drowns me, and it is then that I realise that it has always been my inaction that has crushed so many of my hopes, my beliefs and my dreams in the surface world.
Stasis is death. My eyes widen, my feet kick, and I rise out of the water, furiously breaking well above its surface, where I gasp in the wonder of being alive.
© Copyright, Kennedy James. All rights reserved.
.... Breath in that fresh air and swim I say ... just breathe in that fresh air and swim. Just flow with the tide ... not against it!! ~smile~ ....
ReplyDeleteThat is a pretty cool song ....
Yes, no sense fighting the swells ...
DeleteI love to swim under the water with my eyes wide open. OK, not in the ocean, but in the pool. We don't swim in the ocean because of the sharks. There are land sharks, too, but they have two legs. If none of this is making any sense, blame it on the muffin.
ReplyDeleteSharks?
DeleteHave you heard of survival float? Just lie on your back and wait for ...well whatever comes. revelation, rescue, mermaid, shark, ocean liner..
ReplyDeleteSong is lovely..easy listening. Gosh, by Mr Ocean even! That is super coordinated. How could you not write about water after listening to that? very neat.
Shark???
Deleteyes well, there are worse things than becoming a shark's dinner, at least it would be quick..probably a surprise attack from underneath..you'd never know what hit you. Probably less stressful than being mowed down by an ocean liner, or sucked under by a whirlpool, or toyed with by a sea-serpent. Of course a mermaid would be by far the best option :)
DeleteAs much as I love the ocean I like to keep my head above water, same with life I suppose...love the comparison
ReplyDelete"As much as I love the ocean I like to keep my head above water, same with life I suppose"
DeleteExactly ... we all need to take a deep breath sometimes ...
Love you bros...
ReplyDeleteLove you too ...
Delete... well written, as if from firsthand experience.
ReplyDeleteWhen the time really does come for each of us to drown--and it will--we innately realize in those last few moments, that this life, this world, and all that it is and was to us, will heretofore no longer be ours to hold or to affect. We then relinquish that hold, not in fear or sadness, but with resigned acceptance of the inevitable.
~Manfred
http://knightsfeather.wordpress.com/
Inaction does so much harm. Can anyways. I like the solitude of under water. The ability to feel free and cleansed. I sure am enjoying the lake now. I like your parallel to the arms and the soul as if they are reaching and longing for each other.
ReplyDelete