Monday, June 29, 2015

Swimming The Breaststroke

Swimming The Breaststroke

No one would ever accuse me of being anti-boob. In fact, quite the opposite is true. I make every effort to see as many boobs in a day as I can. After all, they're everywhere, all dressed up in different shapes and sizes, and I think they're all great. From AAA to EEE, boobs are a part of the great mystery that women have over men. For the most part, they are cloistered in cloth and hidden from view like the Holly-Holy Grail, but the secret life of boobs just seems to make them more sexually alluring, more desirable, maybe even more dangerous.

Dangerous? Yes, dangerous. What other reason could explain why boobs are so taboo, as if the very sight of a boob would incite a riot among men trying to get a better view or be responsible for the non-stop spontaneous ejaculation and the death of an entire generation of pubescent boys?

Perhaps, I exaggerate. After all, once in a while, a boob does pop out from behind its sacred veil and all but winks at you. Celebrity boobs are famous for such behaviour. When such a slip of the nip takes place, the world, as we know it, doesn't come to an end. It gasps, but it doesn't come to an end.

Still, it's time we declassified boobs. It's time we removed the TOP SECRET black sticker from those that show up on television. After all, boobs have a practical purpose in life. They are the faucets to the fortifying, milky elixir only breastfeeding babies get to experience. Suck, suck, suck ... grow, grow, grow. Beautiful. Harmonious. Natural.

Yes, today's breastfeeding mothers are taught and even encouraged to lose their inhibitions about uncovering the boob in public. In fact, on occasion, I have suspected that some women make a point of feeding their babies in the very midst of a crowded subway car or a busy public place. I'm never sure why. Maybe baby is hungry. Maybe it's some political/womanhood statement of some sort. I never bother to worry about such matters, because I simply don't care.

If we can see boobs in one genre, we should be able to see them in any genre. The more boobs out in the open, the better. Let them all breathe a bit, I say. There's no reason to be so uptight.

The battle cry of women with breastfeeding babies is "Anytime, anywhere." So it should come as no surprise to anyone that, in Canada, a woman is challenging her right to breastfeed in a public swimming pool. That's right, not by the pool, but actually in the pool. When the woman was asked by the pool's administrator to stop breastfeeding her 20-month-old daughter while in the pool, she was outraged at the request and is now asking our government's Human Rights Commission to investigate whether her right to breastfeed was violated.

Now, let's put this into some perspective. This is a 20-month-old child who is standing there in the shallow end and topping up her lunch. She is a toddler, not really a baby anymore. I'm not sure why a toddler of 20 months would suddenly need a snack while swimming laps in a public pool, but if she can have lunch in the water, then I can't see how you're going to stop a four-year-old from having a Happy Meal between splashes under the water slide.

After all, it would be a clear example of tit for tat, so to speak. Food is food. I might even be inclined to float a little spa-ghetti into the mix.



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