Wednesday, September 09, 2015

98.6 Degrees In The Shade

98.6 Degrees In The Shade

Yes, it's damn hot here for September. So what? I remember last winter. Froze my toes.

Still, I must admit that it is pretty hot ...

So hot that these days, I am mostly living under water. Swim, swim, swim. My body is devolving — I am growing gills and fins.

So hot that in the last week, I have eaten more ice cream than I have in the last two years. Apparently, it is not the fat-free variety.

So hot that I tried iced-coffee the other day. Couldn't get it down. Too oxymoronic, I think. In the morning, I still drink hot coffee, which I find quite refreshing. After a long sweltering night of sleeplessness, it has a cooling effect.

So hot that my air conditioner is pretty much useless. Well, it's made by Mattel and runs on four AAA batteries. Nuff said.

So hot that I spend most of my time naked in the apartment. It's not a problem unless someone knocks on the door. Even then, it's just a small problem.

So hot that I have four fans located in strategic places in my apartment. They applaud on command and do generate a little breeze.

So hot that I left a small pitcher of cream out on the counter last night, and by this morning, it had turned into Coffee Mate.

So hot that the only place I could possibly have sex would be in a cold shower. The irony of that is not lost on me.



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