Monday, November 02, 2015

One Flu Over The Cuckoo's Nest


One Flu Over The Cuckoo's Nest

Here, I think I have a fever. Take my temperature.

Owwww ... I didn't mean to stick the damn thermometer there.

Ha! Really? Really? You actually think I'll put that thing in my mouth now.

Just leave it there, but for goodness sake, quit sliding it in and out. Steady as she goes, and all that ... we are not testing my gay libido.

Huh?

Huh?

What does it say?

What?

Whaaaaaat?

103.8?

Here, let me see.

Good God Almighty ... I must have the flu ... and I'm just a degree away from death!

Yes, I feel hot. Didn't you see my temperature? Cripes, let me hold a pork roast for an hour, and we'll have dinner.

No, no, no. Don't call an ambulance. Just get me some aspirin or something.

Huh?

Midol? All you have is Midol?

I'm not having cramps, you understand? I have a fever. I'm melting away like a Daiquiri on a hot summer's day.

Wait! Where are you? My eyes ... all blurry ... I can't see you. Is that your hand?

Hey! What the ... What's wrong with you? Don't grab me there when I'm sick ... What are you doing? Going for one last quickie?

OK, OK, good. Yes, hold my hand. Tell my kids I love them.

Here, put me to bed. Let me die in some semblance of comfort ...

Whoops, sorry ... that was involuntary. Gases exude from dead people, you know. Just call that a premature analation.

Phew ... yes, I know ... phew ... crack a window ... let's get some air in here.

Huh?

Last night?

I had hot tamale taquitos with red rice at Señor Hombre's Smokehouse & Spice Kitchen. Probably my last meal. Why are you asking?

Huh?

What do you mean it's coming out hot?

What?

No ... you could clean that thermometer all day and I still wouldn't .... mmmmmph ...

#@&%$*!

!>$@*&#

Oh, gawd, you're so gross ... you really are ... seriously, you have huge issues ...

What?

Lemme see ...

Oh, humph ... look at that ...

98.6

Hmmm ... imagine ...

Sorry, false alarm.

I'd better get up.

No? Why?

What?

Oh, now you're hot?

You need your temperature taken?

Ohhhh ... well, that's not a thermometer, but I'll see what I can do ...
 









 








 
 


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