Monday, July 18, 2016

A Day At The Beach

A Day At The Beach

Lemme see ...

Diet Pepsi
Ham and Cheese Sandwich
Second Ham and Cheese Sandwich
Sun Screen
Scribbler and Pencil

Flip Flops
Beach Blanket
Beach Chair
Beach Towel
Floating Duck
Swim Goggles
Extra T-Shirt

There, I think I'm ready.

Oh, there is nothing like a day at the beach. So glad you decided to come with me. Should be fun, and who knows? Maybe we'll get to know one another a little better.

Here's my special little spot. No, relax, I'll set it up. Just sit back and enjoy the morning sun. How's that? Want a book?

Oh, wait a minute ...

"Hey, lady! Is this yer dog? Lady, there are no dogs allowed on the beach. Hey, what the ... yer dog just peed on the corner of my Hawaiian beach blanket."

Cripes, sorry about that. People, huh? Well, that's gonna stink. I'll just run it down to the lake and give it a quick rinse. Sure, come along. We'll test out the water.

Sorry, I, uh ... what little girl? Oh, geez, I didn't see her at all.

"Yes, little girl? Huh? Noooo ... I'm not doing laundry in the lake. I'm just rinsing out my blanket."

Kids today, huh? Such ecology freaks. You have to wonder what they're teaching them in schools these days. It's certainly not grammar.

"What's that? You lost your dinky? Oh dear. Huh? You think your brother stole it?"

Kids are so funny, eh?

"Noooooooooo ... I DO NOT want to see!"

This can't end well. Let's go out into some deeper water.

"No, no, no ... don't try to follow me little girl. Where's your mother? Go and find your mother!"

OK, good, she's turning back. Thank goodness. Now, let's get this blanket hung up in the sun somewhere.

Wait! Look! What's going on back at the towels? Good grief, look! Those sea gulls have tipped the cooler over and are enjoying an early lunch. My sandwiches!

Too late. Too, too late now. I guess we'll have to buy lunch at the concession stand. I wonder if they still have foot-long hot dogs. Quite tasty those.

Oh crap, wait a sec ... I forgot my wallet at home. Huh? You did too. OK, OK, we can do without lunch. Let's get back and enjoy the sun.

Here, want some sunscreen?


Oh, you should wear sunscreen. Melanoma and all that, ya know.

What's that? You're going for a swim. Already? Well, OK. I'm just going to soak up some sun first. Want the goggles? Ha ha ... I almost said googles ... No? OK, have fun.

So nice. So easy to please. Now, lemme see. Where was I in this Stephen King novel? Oh right, page 8,478.

Hey! Back so soon?

What's that? Lemme see ... oh dear, those are leeches. Geez, you have a lot of them. All across your back and down your legs. No, I don't know how to get them off. Should I pee on them? Oh, right, that's for jellyfish. I think we need some salt, but I didn't bring any.

Huh? Feeling faint? Oh, don't go passing out on me.

Stand still and I'll try and peel them off.

Ooops ...

Ooops ...

This isn't working. I'm pulling off strips of your skin. Lemme get the lifeguard. I'll be right back.

Oh boy. No lifeguard until noon, but I did manage to get some little salt thingys from the concession stand. Here, lemme try.

Oh, yes, that's working very well. Just try to stay still and be calm. Almost done.

What's that?

You're done? With what?

Oh, you want to go back to the city?

So soon?

OK, OK, yes, yes, of course ... I understand completely. Here, I'll just pack up the stuff.

I'm really sorry our day at the beach didn't turn out better. Climb in the car, and we'll be home in no time.

Oh, shit. The battery ... the damn battery is dead.




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