JealousyThe Green-Eyed Monster
Shakespeare called jealousy a "green-ey'd monster." I'm not sure where the "green" part came from, maybe from the phrase "green with envy," but then I'm not sure whether that phrase pre-dated Shakespeare or vice versa.
I've never been a jealous kind of guy. In a romantic relationship, I've always thought that the moment someone became jealous of the other person was the moment the relationship was pretty much over. Over, that is, except for the groaning, the moaning, the shouting, the pouting, and an ample amount of desperate weeping. You see, jealous people have trouble letting go.
Jealousy is a form of manipulation. It likens a person to an object that the jealous partner believes he or she owns and can, therefore, control. Sad, really. Destructive beyond repair, especially if you allow your partner to confuse you into thinking that his or her jealousy is just an expression of overwhelming love.
Love and jealousy have nothing to do with one another. Love is a trusting emotion. Jealousy is born out of anxiety and insecurity, and some days, I wonder if it's not a weird kind of genetic emotional defect. Jealous people rarely recover from their affliction or, perhaps more significantly, their infliction of suffering on others.
Some people carry their jealousy beyond romance. Some people are jealous of other people's talents, creativity, social position, and so on. As a result, they often try to diminish other people's accomplishments through insult or ridicule, and quite frankly, expose themselves as pompous wannabes. You meet these kind of people in all walks of life. They set out to crush the living spirit, "the force that through the green fuse drives the flower," as Dylan Thomas once called it. Hmm, there's the colour green again, but used in a completely different context with a completely different meaning.
I actually don't mind wannabes. I am, myself, something of a wannbe.
I would love to be able to write like Shakespeare or Dylan Thomas, but I can't.
I would love to be able to play guitar like Eric Clapton, but I can't.
However, I don't slag others for being better than me. I accept my limitations.
I can't even imagine what it must be like to live in a kind of self-deluded world where someone believes everyone else is secondary to him or her. I prefer to admire those that are clearly superior to me in all manner of things. That admiration doesn't make me jealous of them at all. It simply drives me to try to do better, if only to approximate what they do, and to be happy with my best efforts.
Jealousy ... whether it's in a personal relationship, a friendship, at work, within a family ... is not healthy, and it can destroy relationships. It's a crazy-making emotion and no one wins.
ReplyDeleteHow could anyone love or trust or respect a person who uses jealousy to make them feel small or insignificant?
Never trust someone who doesn't trust you ...
Delete... Bob Buddha said that, I think ...
When I was growing up they used to say if a man started to become jealous of his wife, she was out running around on her! LOL
Delete...I have seen two different relationships in which I new the man was cheating on his wife and out of no where she was getting flowers...guilty conscience probably...
I so agree. Jealousy is a distructive behavior. No one wins that one. I've seen it in corporations where women of power won't give other beautiful capable women better job assignments. They hoard them and complain they can't get their work done. But, mind you, they won't let others help. Jealousy is a monster.
ReplyDeleteCorporate jealousy is quite destructive. You dare not be a "star" in your field, because, sure as heck, you'll be left to drift in space while someone less creative or effective climbs the ladder of success ...
DeleteOH! I have seen this too, they feel threatened that someone else will do a better job than they will which means they are? ...insecure!
DeleteThis has happened to me and I am sure it has happened to you too Cinna.
Sad...
And me toooooo ...
Deleteand you too Kennedy ;)
DeleteI have never understood the concept of jealousy and envy. Its almost unbelievable to me that some people can be like that. If someone has something, or does something better than I can ... I feel happy for them ... sometimes in awe of them ... You are right saying there is something wrong with them ... it is a very serious negative as their entire life must be filled with bitterness and frustration.
ReplyDeleteIf there is jealousy in a relationship, there is no relationship. I often wonder how these people actually survive. Its like living half a life really ... being eaten and consumed with dissatisfaction ......
"If there is jealousy in a relationship, there is no relationship."
DeleteThat pretty much sums it up ... you should write for Bob ...
"I would love to be able to write like Shakespeare or Dylan Thomas, but I can't.
ReplyDeleteYou do pretty well in your own right, KJ. For instance, you've done an excellent job of dissecting and defining jealousy here, and you've done it in a very well-written manner.
~M
That's very kind of you, Manfred ... thanks ...
DeleteBut what about ego ? We don't like to admit that we're selfish... somehow everyone is... Are you able to say that seeing someone jealous of you doesn't make you feel a little bit better, special or... ?
ReplyDeleteHmmm ... well, I'm not sure anyone has a better opinion of me than me ... ;o}
DeleteJealousy is perfectly human. It doesnt have to be destructive. Same as all negative emotions, it should be acknowledged and then discarded. I get jealous as hell of other people getting the attention of my bestie, it just shows me again how much my heart is hungry for him. But if I act on it I risk smothering him.
ReplyDeletethe force that through the green fuse drives the flower..wow, isnt that the most beautiful line ever?
I'm not sure there is much value in getting jealous when others show an interest in your significant other. He's with you because he wants to be with you. Otherwise, he'd be with someone else.
Delete