Playing Poker With God

Cosmic Poker

Playing Poker With God

This morning, I got to thinking what it would be like to be on television in one of those Poker Stars games with God.

Now, please don't misunderstand me. I know some of you are very religious, and I'm not trying to be blasphemous or anything like that. The idea of God gambling is not so weird. After all, He sort of rolled the dice when He built that luxury Garden of Eden development. From what I've heard, it was a fabulous gated community of two, but it crapped out on Him. He had to go into the reno/houseboat business and, more or less, start all over again.

So how hard is it to imagine me, Kennedy, and God sitting across from one another, with our poker chips stacked neatly on opposite sides of a green felt card table? I'd be sitting there with my best poker face on, and the Big Guy? Well, I'm not sure what God looks like. I know we're supposed to be created in His image, but that whole burning bush incident with Moses kind of makes that theory a little suspect. I guess it doesn't really matter in the big scheme of things, but I just know He would have the best poker face of anyone around, even if he resembled a cabbage. And I guess He would know all the percentages regarding when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em, like in that Kenny Rogers' song. After all, He's omniscient, omnipotent, omnivorous, and all those other omni's. Me? Yeah, I'm not even a demi. I know nothing about that poker stuff. I'd just be playing on a wing and a prayer ... so to speak.

Now, I realise my chances of winning against God would be slim to none. I mean, He could change two aces into twelve if that's what he wanted. All I could do is throw around a bunch of free will and act all cocky to try and psych him out with a bluff of some kind.

Win or lose, I find the idea of betting against God very intriguing. If God bet a demand for 10,000 good deeds from everyone on the planet, I could maybe counter with requirement that He provide a cure for cancer. If he raised me by insisting that a church be built on every second street corner, I could counter with a call for the end of poverty everywhere. He raises me morning and evening prayers for everyone? I could insist on the end of depression, learning disorders, and all forms of mental illness. Yep, he can roll out all the sacred demands he wants, and I'm sure to have another piece of the human puzzle that needs a solution.

I know, I know. God would probably be sitting on four aces, and I'd probably have a pair of fours. After all, the Big Guy is all-powerful, remember? But, maybe, just maybe, by throwing my bets out there on the table, He'd accept that we have an abundance of problems down here — real stuff that needs real fixing. I suppose he could go "all in" as they say, and bet the Apocalypse, but I'm ready for that. I'd counter with an offer that He keep the world going, but with a few changes. I'd demand that He ensure that our children wouldn't have to repeat the same-old, same-old scenario of living in a world of greed, prejudice, hatred, war, lust, politics, rape, eco-disasters, divorce laws — all the resident evils that have fallen into our laps ever since Eve threw snake-eyes on the other side of the casino.

Hey, you never know. He's been known to perform a miracle or two before, and I figure God might be a smarter player than any of us realise. He might have one of those epiphanies He invented, then simply look across the table, and with a wink or a nod, say, "OK, Kennedy, you win."

Now, that would change everything.

Of course, if that happened, I'd expect you to address me as Saint Kennedy.

That's a stretch, I know, but you'd get used to it.