Genus Simmonus
Owwwww ... it hurts right there ... and right there ... and oh yeah, over there too ...
Somehow, I have managed to frazzle my tongue. I have no idea why it hurts, but it hurts like crazeeee.
I don't eat spicy fast food, no curry in a hurry, in fact, nothing more exotic than maple-flavoured pork 'n' beans, a favourite in Canada, so I don't think it was that.
I didn't drink anything scalding hot, like the ridiculously blistering hot chocolate people serve at ice-skating parties, so it wasn't that.
I didn't use the Lord's name in vain (more than maybe twice), so I'm sure it's not that.
I didn't lay it flagging out the car window like a dog does on a hot summer's day, so it wasn't that either.
I wasn't chewing tobacco, even though you don't really "chew" tobacco, but I haven't had a wad of that gruesome stuff in my mouth for over a decade, so I can't blame it on that.
I didn't suddenly start using Liquid Plumr Foaming Pipesnake Clog Remover as toothpaste, and no, my electric toothbrush didn't short circuit and unexpectedly become a tongue taser.
I didn't get it stuck on a frozen steel fence post, the way I did when I was a five-year-old imbecile too stupid not to take a dare, so it wasn't that either.
Well, I guess it doesn't really matter why it hurts, the point is that it does hurt. My sister says that I will need to have it amputated. If that's true, then I want a transplant. Do they do tongue transplants? Is it possible that I could get, say, a cow's tongue? a giraffe's tongue? an iguana's tongue? What does one want in a tongue? Do I want some extra length? some extra girth? Does size matter when it comes to tongues? Or is it just in how you use it?
Owwwww ... it hurts right there ... and right there ... and oh yeah, over there too ...
Somehow, I have managed to frazzle my tongue. I have no idea why it hurts, but it hurts like crazeeee.
I don't eat spicy fast food, no curry in a hurry, in fact, nothing more exotic than maple-flavoured pork 'n' beans, a favourite in Canada, so I don't think it was that.
I didn't drink anything scalding hot, like the ridiculously blistering hot chocolate people serve at ice-skating parties, so it wasn't that.
I didn't use the Lord's name in vain (more than maybe twice), so I'm sure it's not that.
I didn't lay it flagging out the car window like a dog does on a hot summer's day, so it wasn't that either.
I wasn't chewing tobacco, even though you don't really "chew" tobacco, but I haven't had a wad of that gruesome stuff in my mouth for over a decade, so I can't blame it on that.
I didn't suddenly start using Liquid Plumr Foaming Pipesnake Clog Remover as toothpaste, and no, my electric toothbrush didn't short circuit and unexpectedly become a tongue taser.
I didn't get it stuck on a frozen steel fence post, the way I did when I was a five-year-old imbecile too stupid not to take a dare, so it wasn't that either.
Well, I guess it doesn't really matter why it hurts, the point is that it does hurt. My sister says that I will need to have it amputated. If that's true, then I want a transplant. Do they do tongue transplants? Is it possible that I could get, say, a cow's tongue? a giraffe's tongue? an iguana's tongue? What does one want in a tongue? Do I want some extra length? some extra girth? Does size matter when it comes to tongues? Or is it just in how you use it?
