Tuesday, August 09, 2016

da'Shade — Dating

Hey, what's up?

This is da'Shade ... sitting in for Kennedy James, who is on vacation.

I been hanging around the coffee shop a lot lately ... no, not Starbuck's ... too many yuppies there for my liking.

Anyway, at the Brew-Ha-Ha, where I go, there's a girl who works there. She has blue hair and gold teeth. I swear, when she smiles at you, you think you just stepped into Fort Knox. I'm not so sure those choppers are made of real gold, but the impression is the same.

I'm currently locked down in the love elevator, but if I wasn't, I might ask her out for a bite ... sort of a golden bite, I guess.

Dating is tough. There's all that preamble bullshit, where you have to look yer best and try to make a good impression. Then off you go to some floozy restaurant and you try to eat proper, because you just know someone is making notes on what you eat, and how you eat, and all that. I mean, you don't order the spaghetti, 'cause ya know you'll be dripping tomato sauce down yer shirt, and you'll end up looking like a slob. No chick wants to date a slob.

So you order the fucking salad, even though you hate salad. And maybe you order some fish. People seem to admire anyone who eats fish. I have no idea why. Can't order a blood-rare steak without looking like a caveman or a PETA runaway.

Then, maybe you catch a movie, which 9 times outta 10 is bull-crap, and not interesting at all. But you stick it out, cause, what the fuck, you paid like $30 to get in. Movies are a safe bet, though, 'cause you don't have to talk to one another. At worst, you share a bucket of popcorn, but if you do, you have to realise that yer gonna smell like popcorn for the rest of the night.

After the movie, things can get a little dicey. Everything sorta goes up for grabs. I mean, she could ask you back to her place, or she could give you a "I had such a great time, call me sometime" kick in the balls and send you packing.

So, you see, dating is pretty judgemental. You're always letting someone tell you what corners to turn.

Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't date, but if you do, I think it's always best if you order the spaghetti.

Hit that mic and pass me a napkin ...

::::::::: Chris Isaak Wicked Game :::::::::



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