TMITMI
It's funny how at the beginning of a new relationship, people like to talk about their past. For the most part, I guess that is a good thing. Much of who you are is a product of your various experiences in life. Your family, your childhood, your education, your religion — all of these helped shape who you are. So, I guess if two people want to know what makes the other person tick, then it's important to talk about certain things.
What always astounds me, however, is when someone starts talking about past lovers. For me, that kind of information should be locked up in the vault of memory and left unspoken.
When a lady begins to tell me about her past lovers, I am never sure if there is some kind of standard or expectation being set. Saying something like, "I once dated a guy who was 6' 8"," makes me feel short. Saying, "I once dated a guy who was 14 years younger than me," makes me feel old. Saying, "I once dated a guy who drove a Maserati," makes me feel poor. And to be honest, I don't want to feel short, old and poor.
No, some things need not be said, and I have never been idiotic enough to ask. And still, there is some impulse in people to throw the unspeakable out there, like you were a priest listening to confession.
I once dated a woman who casually mentioned to me on the phone one night that I was #19. At first, I wasn't sure to what she was referring, but in a moment of unusual insight for me, I realised she was saying that I was her 19th lover. I didn't want to be #19. Such an ugly number, not really divisible by anything, not really important in any manner I can think of, not really a happy number at all. Being #20 might have been OK, but not #19. At #20, you get a sense of beginning a new series. At #19, you're like the dribs and drabs of a kind of worn out sequence. Of course, I had no choice but to break up with her right then and there on the telephone, but before I did, I made sure I said, "You're #103." After all, fair is fair.
I am a firm believer in the confidentiality of the bedroom. Want to know how many women have been in that inner sanctum? Well, I'm not telling. Want to know if any were older or ridiculously younger? Forget it. Want to know if any were short, tall, fat, skinny, A cup or double EE cup? My lips are sealed. Want to know if any were African, Asian, Indian, Latin, or Klingon? Nope, not telling that either.
I think that too much information is just that — too much information. It's hard enough starting a relationship without having to undergo a class in the history of the other person's libido. Once you know, you know. It's not information that you can easily forget. You can't just reformat the hard drive of your brain. So, whenever you think the two of you are doing something new and exciting, whoops, up pops the notion that this might not be new and exciting at all, that you are really just entering the "been-there-done-that" zone.
No, they say that "Curiousity killed the cat," and for good reason, because what you don't know can't hurt you, and at the risk of tossing a salad of mixed metaphors here, I'm the kind of guy who is just happy to be opening Pandora's box. I'm certainly not interested in muddling around in there to see if there's an oversized U-Haul truck ready to transport all the nasties out.
It's funny how at the beginning of a new relationship, people like to talk about their past. For the most part, I guess that is a good thing. Much of who you are is a product of your various experiences in life. Your family, your childhood, your education, your religion — all of these helped shape who you are. So, I guess if two people want to know what makes the other person tick, then it's important to talk about certain things.
What always astounds me, however, is when someone starts talking about past lovers. For me, that kind of information should be locked up in the vault of memory and left unspoken.
When a lady begins to tell me about her past lovers, I am never sure if there is some kind of standard or expectation being set. Saying something like, "I once dated a guy who was 6' 8"," makes me feel short. Saying, "I once dated a guy who was 14 years younger than me," makes me feel old. Saying, "I once dated a guy who drove a Maserati," makes me feel poor. And to be honest, I don't want to feel short, old and poor.
No, some things need not be said, and I have never been idiotic enough to ask. And still, there is some impulse in people to throw the unspeakable out there, like you were a priest listening to confession.
I once dated a woman who casually mentioned to me on the phone one night that I was #19. At first, I wasn't sure to what she was referring, but in a moment of unusual insight for me, I realised she was saying that I was her 19th lover. I didn't want to be #19. Such an ugly number, not really divisible by anything, not really important in any manner I can think of, not really a happy number at all. Being #20 might have been OK, but not #19. At #20, you get a sense of beginning a new series. At #19, you're like the dribs and drabs of a kind of worn out sequence. Of course, I had no choice but to break up with her right then and there on the telephone, but before I did, I made sure I said, "You're #103." After all, fair is fair.
I am a firm believer in the confidentiality of the bedroom. Want to know how many women have been in that inner sanctum? Well, I'm not telling. Want to know if any were older or ridiculously younger? Forget it. Want to know if any were short, tall, fat, skinny, A cup or double EE cup? My lips are sealed. Want to know if any were African, Asian, Indian, Latin, or Klingon? Nope, not telling that either.
I think that too much information is just that — too much information. It's hard enough starting a relationship without having to undergo a class in the history of the other person's libido. Once you know, you know. It's not information that you can easily forget. You can't just reformat the hard drive of your brain. So, whenever you think the two of you are doing something new and exciting, whoops, up pops the notion that this might not be new and exciting at all, that you are really just entering the "been-there-done-that" zone.
No, they say that "Curiousity killed the cat," and for good reason, because what you don't know can't hurt you, and at the risk of tossing a salad of mixed metaphors here, I'm the kind of guy who is just happy to be opening Pandora's box. I'm certainly not interested in muddling around in there to see if there's an oversized U-Haul truck ready to transport all the nasties out.
Interesting ... I think it's human nature to sometimes mention an "ex," and that person could be a former wife, husband, lover, boyfriend, or girlfriend. These things are oftentimes mentioned in passing ... no harm intended.
ReplyDeleteWhen the conversation is more about comparing the current significant other to someone from the past, well, that's when it becomes hurtful and harmful.
Discussing the techniques of a former partner is definitely off topic for me. That is way to much information ...
Love the R.E.M. music video!
Well, it's like comparing apples to oranges, or bananas to cucumbers maybe ... I don't think that anyone should mess in the garden ...
DeleteSurly it's always good to keep some secrets and not only not to speak about some things, but also not compare. Are you enough good not to do it? Somehow, our brains make us remember and maybe even regret this what was good and it passed away...
ReplyDeleteYes, some secrets are fine ... no one needs to know the whole truth and nothing but the truth ...
Deletesometimes we talk too much :p most times it's just idle chatter...many things are better left unsaid...I personally like mystery...
ReplyDelete"I personally like mystery"
DeleteMe too ... I'm a sucker for Agatha Christie ... ;o}
... the past is the past for a reason ... I can think of nothing more alarming than having to listen to another talk about the lovers of their past. That would definitely set the alarm bells off ... R U N .... or stay and be graded ... ~grin~
ReplyDeleteHaha ... yes, well, I've had my fill of school days ... not one to be graded so I would do a quick exit ... stage left ...
DeleteI've heard/read that past relationships are what drives future ones - trying to get it right or better. But I agree about not discussing them uneccessarily. It's dreadfully difficult to forget what has been said and seeing the past lover is even worse - it could make you wonder all kinds of things.
ReplyDeleteNot talking about them is sort of respectful in a way, since after all, it ended so it can't have been all 'wine and roses'.
On the flip side you can tell quite a bit about how someone may think about such things or how they cope, if they do blurt out uncontrollably, fragments from the mascerated edges of their heart. If someone has done that while in a relationship with you then chances are, they are not over it and are not ready for the wonderful new beginning. If they needed to, good friends will listen maybe once or twice but if they need more, there are 'so called professionals' you can pay to listen to you spit it out and get rid of it or at least sort it out and head in a different direction away from all that was not so .....
Too much information gives the mind the opportunity to exaggerate that information, and some people become obsessed with all the circumstances and nuances of who came before them. That's an deadly shot to the heart. Best to let the past stay in the past, and let the present be fresh and exciting ...
Delete