Sunday, October 11, 2015



Well, it's Sunday and all, and I guess I woke up thinking about how I should probably pray a little more. The thing is that I always sort of end up praying for myself, and I know that's pretty selfish, so I end up not really praying at all.

I used to pray for the BIG things, like World Peace, and An End to Human Suffering, and all that, but heck, the world never changed much when I did pray for that stuff, so somewhere along the way, I must have given up that kind of praying.

Sometimes, people ask you to pray for someone they know, a relative or close friend, who is in a bit of a bind. I'm almost afraid to do that, because my rapport with God is pretty sketchy these days. More than likely, I'm on the "no-fly-to-Heaven" list, so I figure if I chime in with some kind of prayer for someone who is hurting, well, I might make matters worse.

Don't get me wrong. I like God and all the nice churches and statues and stuff. I even like the Pope, because he says the right things, and he travels around the world to all the hot spots of sin and damnation. I'm sure he has all kinds of super-secret security, but he still seems to be taking risks by facing the hell-holes of this earth in person. He'd be a great guy to have pray for you if you were struggling in life, but I'm not sure he takes requests.

I know some of you might want to include me in your prayers, but if I were you, I wouldn't do it. Just the mention of my name might send God's all-knowingness drifting, and He might lose His focus regarding what you were praying for before you got round to mentioning me. No, the safe way is just to leave me out of it.

Maybe later on today, I'll say a little something by way of prayer, maybe a little Grace before dinner. That can't hurt or screw up much of anything, I reckon. Sure, I might get a vile case of indigestion if that's God's wish, but a little Pepto-Bismol, and I'll be ready for the night ahead. And maybe before I drift off to sleep, I'll do one of those, "I pray the Lord my soul to take" things.

Wait a minute ... I'm not ready to send my soul packing quite yet.

No wonder that I suffer from chronic insomnia. I'm up all night fighting to keep my soul from heading out into the Great Beyond ...



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