Monday, October 19, 2015

S-EX ... Sex with the Ex ...

S-EX ... Sex with the Ex ...

Someone asked me the other day if I would, given the opportunity, have sex with my ex.

I said that would only happen if we were the last two people on the face of the earth. And even then, I'd have to consider and reconsider before I could even imagine the possibility. It's just not something I would ever want to do.

I suspect, however, that s-ex may not be so uncommon.

People leave a relationship for a wide variety of reasons — abuse, money, family issues, cheap birthday gifts — who knows what can destroy any feelings of love between two people. Maybe sex isn't the most significant factor. In fact, in some cases, separated couples will say, "The sex was great, but everything else in our relationship was absolutely horrible." In those situations, the couple's most vital memory is what the two shared in bed.

So, given the right set of circumstances, such as a chance meeting at the all-night grocery store, each may suddenly discover a certain residual attraction. The grapefruit suddenly become more than grapefruit, the bananas seem oddly warm to the touch, and before you know it, each is feeling somewhat flirtatious and aroused, then even more flirtatious and more aroused, until suddenly, both are speeding through the express checkout with ten items or less to hook up somewhere. Are they crazy? It's hard to say.

Another reason a couple may seek out s-ex is simply the result of loneliness. After all the drama of a separation, anyone can easily get "cut off" from sex. For some, the "new life" of sexual freedom that he or she anticipated may simply not show up. The first weeks and months of trolling the singles bars or joining an online dating club often lead only to an increased sense of feeling hopelessly alone.

Desire and frustration build up and often lead that individual backwards instead of forwards. One telephones the other for some insignificant reason, and without warning, the ex's decide to share more than just the furniture or time of day. They end up sharing a bed together on a regular basis. In fact, I know of one couple who, after splitting up, moved into separate apartments in the same building. The result of such a close proximity was inevitable, and they carried on this way for years.

The physical easiness of a s-ex relationship should be obvious. After all, it's familiar territory. You know what pleases one another. There are no unknowns or secrets in the equation. There's no awkwardness or surprises, and so whatever insecurities you may have about sex simply don't come into play.

While the physical interplay is comfortable and maybe even comforting, it's the emotional relationship that can get a little screwy. For example, one partner may be harbouring a hidden agenda that involves trying to reignite the love the two once shared, while the other partner has no intention of reconciling at all. If the emotional life of the two partners is out of whack, then disaster seems imminent.

One of the two, and maybe both, will end up getting hurt ... again.



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