Bite Me
Come a little closer. I won't bite, honest. OK, I might bite, but it will be just a nibble for now, and I need to practise.
You see I'm planning to become a vampire.
I think I would make a great vampire, don't you? I mean, I'm not really into the whole tuxedo with tails look, but I like black. I could dye my hair and slick it back, like Dracula. I normally have bloodshot eyes, so that works. Of course the teeth may be a problem. Perhaps I could get extensions, add an inch or two to my, uh, fangs.
I must admit I'm not too keen on becoming a bat and flying around the castle, but I'll even give that a go. I trust that little transformation will work, because I'm 25 floors above sea level, and if the bat thing doesn't work, I will make a grand splat on the gardens below. I'll likely hit with such an impact that I'll sink a good six feet under the daisies, so all anyone will have to do is shovel some dirt over me and all will be good. So the bat wings better not be from Toys-R-Us.
Now, the blood thing. I know that I'm supposed to suck the blood out of my victims, but I have some issues with that. I mean, it's blood, after all. Maybe I can just raid their refrigerators. I am, after all, a sucker for leftover Chinese food.
So, come a little bit closer. You needn't worry about the possibility that I'm a bloodsucking bastard. I'm not. Still, I'd hide the soy sauce, if I were you.
Come a little closer. I won't bite, honest. OK, I might bite, but it will be just a nibble for now, and I need to practise.
You see I'm planning to become a vampire.
I think I would make a great vampire, don't you? I mean, I'm not really into the whole tuxedo with tails look, but I like black. I could dye my hair and slick it back, like Dracula. I normally have bloodshot eyes, so that works. Of course the teeth may be a problem. Perhaps I could get extensions, add an inch or two to my, uh, fangs.
I must admit I'm not too keen on becoming a bat and flying around the castle, but I'll even give that a go. I trust that little transformation will work, because I'm 25 floors above sea level, and if the bat thing doesn't work, I will make a grand splat on the gardens below. I'll likely hit with such an impact that I'll sink a good six feet under the daisies, so all anyone will have to do is shovel some dirt over me and all will be good. So the bat wings better not be from Toys-R-Us.
Now, the blood thing. I know that I'm supposed to suck the blood out of my victims, but I have some issues with that. I mean, it's blood, after all. Maybe I can just raid their refrigerators. I am, after all, a sucker for leftover Chinese food.
So, come a little bit closer. You needn't worry about the possibility that I'm a bloodsucking bastard. I'm not. Still, I'd hide the soy sauce, if I were you.
Hehehe great post ! I like the new Dracula image ! Well, I'm not such big fan of the soy sauce so... feel free to "fly" to my place, I will keep some for you !
ReplyDeleteOh, an invitation ... haha ... well, I like my soy sauce on steamed rice ... ;o}
Deletehee hee raid the fridge? that really had me laughing...
ReplyDeletenibbles...yummy!
the video was better just listening:P
Hmm ... now what's in your refrigerator, huh?
Deleteright now sheppard's pie and beef stew among the other basic stuff, milk, eggs, bacon, condiments, fruits and veggies...like any of those?
DeleteMmmm ... I'd hide that sheppard's pie if I were you ... yummy ... ;o}
Delete;) I will be happy to share...
DeleteI guess you won't be donating blood to the blood bank. Oh my goodness, such a cute story ... love it!
ReplyDeleteNo, I'm under exclusive contract to the sperm bank ... ;o}
DeleteRumor has it there is good money to be made at the particular bank ... :)
DeleteCorrection: "that particular bank ..." - I need new glasses!
Delete"No, I'm under exclusive contract to the sperm bank ... ;o}"
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that women worldwide are breaking down the doors at the sperm bank for your contributions too, KJ.
~Manfred
Haha ... I think I'm #6 with a bullet ...
DeleteI'm sorry, KJ, but if you're more interested in the leftover Chinese in the fridge than you are the drinking of blood, I'm afraid you're just not cut out for the job of vampire. Perhaps you might consider another line of work, such as writer or poet.
ReplyDelete~Manfred
Writers, vampires? Same thing really ... you're never really respected much until after you're dead ...
Delete