Catching Up On Old FriendsWhere Are You Now, Albert Flasher?
I must admit that I am not a great fan of Facebook. For me, the site offers very little that interests me. Still, one of the best qualities of Facebook is that it is an extraordinarily powerful means of finding old friends, people who populated your past and have some interest in rekindling old relationships.
Old relationships are probably old for a reason. While it's true that some of those people may have been great friends when you were younger, I'm not so sure that always translates into being great friends in the present. People change, and even the physical appearance of an old friend can throw you for a loop. There is also the backlog of experience that has washed under the bridge between then and now. Babies were born and raised into adults, marriages came and went, money was never a problem until now — all sorts of events and life experiences reshape who a person is.
The trick is to discover whether or not a friend, from twenty or thirty years ago, can still be a friend today. Online, anything is possible, I suppose, and it's great to share some memories of days gone by. But, what happens when that everything-old-is-new-again, retro-friend suggests he or she drops into your current life for a "visit." For me, that's when the cat finds the ball of wool, and things start to unravel rather quickly.
What we sometimes forget is why the friendship ended. Maybe that friend from the past was, at some point, a royal pain in the ass. Maybe he or she did something absolutely dastardly to you in your younger days. Maybe he or she slept with your girlfriend or boyfriend, maybe spread some unimaginable rumour about you that completely trashed your social life, maybe wrecked your car, maybe stole your money, maybe even blamed you for some misbehaviour or crime in which you had no part.
Worst of all, maybe you have forgotten all the bad about that person, and in your present life, maybe you are willing to welcome this person back into your life.
Up-close and personal is risky business.
When one of these phantoms from yesterday shows up at your door, will you be genuinely prepared to resurrect the friendship that you once had?
Starting over is rarely a successful undertaking, as thousands and thousands of couples who have broken up and then decided "to try it again" will acknowledge. People rarely undergo a significant transformation. People who disappointed you once will likely disappoint you again.
Sometimes, what was is better left in the was.
I must admit that I am not a great fan of Facebook. For me, the site offers very little that interests me. Still, one of the best qualities of Facebook is that it is an extraordinarily powerful means of finding old friends, people who populated your past and have some interest in rekindling old relationships.
Old relationships are probably old for a reason. While it's true that some of those people may have been great friends when you were younger, I'm not so sure that always translates into being great friends in the present. People change, and even the physical appearance of an old friend can throw you for a loop. There is also the backlog of experience that has washed under the bridge between then and now. Babies were born and raised into adults, marriages came and went, money was never a problem until now — all sorts of events and life experiences reshape who a person is.
The trick is to discover whether or not a friend, from twenty or thirty years ago, can still be a friend today. Online, anything is possible, I suppose, and it's great to share some memories of days gone by. But, what happens when that everything-old-is-new-again, retro-friend suggests he or she drops into your current life for a "visit." For me, that's when the cat finds the ball of wool, and things start to unravel rather quickly.
What we sometimes forget is why the friendship ended. Maybe that friend from the past was, at some point, a royal pain in the ass. Maybe he or she did something absolutely dastardly to you in your younger days. Maybe he or she slept with your girlfriend or boyfriend, maybe spread some unimaginable rumour about you that completely trashed your social life, maybe wrecked your car, maybe stole your money, maybe even blamed you for some misbehaviour or crime in which you had no part.
Worst of all, maybe you have forgotten all the bad about that person, and in your present life, maybe you are willing to welcome this person back into your life.
Up-close and personal is risky business.
When one of these phantoms from yesterday shows up at your door, will you be genuinely prepared to resurrect the friendship that you once had?
Starting over is rarely a successful undertaking, as thousands and thousands of couples who have broken up and then decided "to try it again" will acknowledge. People rarely undergo a significant transformation. People who disappointed you once will likely disappoint you again.
Sometimes, what was is better left in the was.
I have no interest whatsoever in re-kindling old friendships from way back when. I guess it goes back to that question "what is a friend?" When I look back on everything, I now consider most of these people as "people I knew" , not really friends. I have changed, they have changed, or some have never changed, but since I have, we would not have a thing in common.
ReplyDeleteI am actually on Facebook, but it is strictly for keeping in touch with family which is spread all over the United States. For that I find it very useful. I have mine set so no one can search for me. I like my privacy haha :-)
My daughter uses Facebook all the time, and keeps up the family news and what not, so I am there to follow her ... and her shenanigans ... haha ... not really ...
ReplyDeleteActually, I find Facebook sort of a stalker's paradise.
I use FB for keeping in touch with family (cousins mostly).
ReplyDeleteI find the majority of the old friends from way back don't really have much interaction with me after they have invited me to be their friend...I guess it is difficult to fill that thirty year gap? lol
Thirty years is a long time. People change and some have busy lives. I find family takes up most of the time, especially with grandchildren running about ...
DeleteI have to say that I find it difficult for people to accept changes in relationships. One I've struggled with is a long time girlfriend that I just don't have anything in common with anymore. I found another friend online and the same selfish character reappeared. Your right, people rarely change or you change and move on. A couple of girls online accepted me as a friend but I never hear from them. I find interaction online the same in person in regards to give and take. Some people take but rarely give back. I addressed this with a online friend in an email recently. I had addressed it before. This time I said that I'd taken some autumn pics and know they enjoy the trails do maybe they could come look. I was told sure later. Later came an the friend commented on other posts but once again forgot me. Really?! Like seriously. Well I said goodbye. Life changes.
ReplyDeleteAlways tough to understand what some online friends think or do. There is nothing like "real" friends, people with whom you interact on a daily basis, people in your life now.
DeleteSometimes, we search too far afield, when the best is standing right next to us ...
True.....ah nothing is perfect. Alas just live for the moment :)
DeleteLike others, I've tried Facebook as a means to reconnect with high school friends and distant cousins. It's pretty much the same few HS folks talking about themselves and grabbing the attention. Some things never change. As for my cousins, there was very little interaction. It became pointless to remain a member on FB, so I closed it out and don't miss it.
ReplyDelete