Monday, October 01, 2012

Riding The Gravy Train Through The Great Beyond


Uh-Oh


Riding The Gravy Train Through The Great Beyond

Strange how we spend so much money on insurance these days.

We buy all kinds of policies to protect ourselves from accidents in the car, from squatty masked men who would break into our homes and steal our stuff, from the fire that we might start while cooking bacon next to those frilly kitchen window curtains, from the extortion of ridiculous doctors bills when we break an arm or catch the norovirus, really, from almost any catastrophe that might befall us.

No one knows for sure if any or all of these tragic events might happen, so we pay the Pharisees of the insurance world on a "just-in-case" basis. You never know for sure what will happen in life, because life is like a game of dice. You're never sure if you're going to throw snake-eyes and crap out, but you suspect you might, so just in case you do, you pay someone else to cover your losses.

The only type of insurance that doesn't ride on the rails of "just-in-case" thinking is life insurance. Life insurance is not really a gamble. Chances are pretty good (almost 99.7%) that you will die some day. Given that sad reality, what the heck? Someone might as well benefit because it's a sure fire way for you to finally make some cash. Not that you'll be spending it, mind you, but your kids or loved ones will.

You can even double the odds and the payout by getting what they call a double indemnity, so that if you die by accident, your benefactor gets twice the payout. Seems like a good deal to me.

Of course, the "accident" clause is pretty specific. Suicide doesn't count as an accident. Neither does murder, like for example, if some white guy holding up a convenience store happens to shoot you as you stand aimlessly in the Yoo-Hoo aisle. Oh, and most diseases like cancer or heart disease don't count either. It has to be a real accident, something like getting hit by a bus, but not on the street where buses are supposed to be. The bus has to plough through the front window of Starbuck's and kill you instantly as you sip your Frappuccino.

The advertisements for life insurance that you see on television implore you not to leave your loved ones without enough money to cover your funeral expenses, with maybe a few thousand dollars more to help them ease into the sad reality that you're no longer around. It all seems to make sense. After all, who wants a bargain-basement funeral from the Outlet Mall on the I-88? Why not top up the death booty a little, say to a cool million dollars or two, and you will probably not only get the deluxe casket with the brass fittings, but your leftover loved ones will enjoy the lifestyle you never had.

Some insurance companies have something of a reputation for not paying off a claim when your jig is up. Of course, if you have a policy with a company with a name like Bernie's All-Perils Insurance and Pest Control, well, you might want to consider switching to a more reputable firm. After all, you don't want Bernie swapping out that million dollar policy for a lifetime of free roach control.



 





 

13 comments:

  1. I always feel like I am getting screwed with health and car insurance...life insurance, not so much :p

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  2. Here in Canada, car insurance is throiugh the roof ... but we have "free" health care ... and high taxes ... haha ...

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  3. I just sent the check off to pay for my car insurance for the next six months. It is outrageous here also. The thing is, we are forced by the government to have health insurance now and unlike Canada ours is not free. We are forced by the state to have car insurance if we own a car so they can make it as high as they want and we can't do a thing about it, but maybe shop around a bit and save all of $20 or so. If one has a mortgage on their home, the bank forces you to have homeowners insurance until the loan is paid off. And we won't mention the property taxes that the government charges us even when our home is paid for. We really never own it. Yes, life insurance makes sense if you want your family to have something when you die since you were never able to save much after paying for all the other insurances !

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    Replies
    1. A sad state of affairs, indeed. I'm afraid money-in seems to be falling behind money-out ... soon we'll all be broke, and on welfare, I guess ... grrrrrrr ...

      Delete
  4. "The only type of insurance that doesn't ride on the rails of "just-in-case" thinking is life insurance. Life insurance is not really a gamble. Chances are pretty good (almost 99.7%) that you will die some day."


    ... who are the .3%, KJ, and where can I join?

    ~M

    ReplyDelete
  5. "Of course, the "accident" clause is pretty specific. Suicide doesn't count as an accident. Neither does murder, like for example, if some white guy holding up a convenience store happens to shoot you as you stand aimlessly in the Yoo-Hoo aisle."


    ... you mean the payout is handled differently, if the shooter is a non-white guy, KJ?

    ~M

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    Replies
    1. Well, yes and no ... I hate to profile ... but those white folks are not to be trusted ... they should go back to Europe where they came from ...

      Delete
  6. "Why not top up the death booty a little, say to a cool million dollars or two, and you will probably not only get the deluxe casket with the brass fittings, but your leftover loved ones will enjoy the lifestyle you never had."


    ... better chance of them showing up at the funeral too, KJ.

    ~M

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    Replies
    1. Exactly ... unless they've already checked out for the Caymans ...

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  7. Let's see ... I have Medicare, Medicare supplemental, Medicare prescription, dental, vision, auto, and homeowner. I don't carry life or mortgage simply because it's not needed. The bank keeps sending me a form to sign and return for a free small policy that pays out if I die in an accident. The form goes in the trash. I don't want to die in an accident, and I don't want the insurance company contacting me to buy additional insurance. Let's not forget the companies that want to bury you. It goes on and on until we no longer go on and on.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm not sure where you are getting your information, but good topic. I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more. Thanks for magnificent info I was looking for this info for my mission.
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    ReplyDelete

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